Building a Functional Family

I've spent the past 9 weeks with my family of four living in my parents home in Seattle. I'm actually sleeping in the room I grew up in. Yikes, right? This living arrangement just screams, "Deal with your unfinished business Linds!" I now reside within a one-mile radius of all three of my brothers and their respective families. I do not have any employment outside of the home for the first time since I was 15. So as you might imagine, FAMILY has been on my mind a lot lately.

There is no such thing as a perfect family, but functional is a worthy goal. I've stumbled upon a resource that I think might give me some guideposts about how to build a functional family. It's a free online course available through the Independent Study department at BYU. It's called Family Life 72: Building a Functional Family. Here is the URL where the course can be found:

http://is.byu.edu/courses

I took the first lesson tonight, it shared an overview of the 12 Characteristics of a Functional Family. Some of my favorites were:

1. There is an inviting, comfortable, loving atmosphere in the home and family.
2. Parents offer their children all their love and support without worrying too much about the outcomes of their parenting.
5. Parents understand that the family is the best place to address basic human needs.
6. In functional families, relationships are of supreme importance.
8. Functional parents have clearly defined roles and responsibilities that they mutually agree upon.
9. Functional parents exhibit strong and confident leadership and are passionate about their responsibilities as parents.
11. Functional families like to play and have fun together!


Just the first lesson gave me lots of things to think about. I finished the first lesson thinking most about how much I love my family; Adam, Mia and Teryn. It reminded me what an important task parenting is. It reminded me that relationships need to be a priority every day, which requires intentional effort. It also reminded me that everyone is part of a family, and chances are any and all of those family relationships could be improved.

"The functional family is a place where people feel like they can grow and learn from their mistakes. There is love and unity among family members. There is not a lot of criticism in the atmosphere of the home. Family members take time for each other and offer support and guidance to each other. The parents care about the family and make its well-being their top priority in life. The parents teach the children and set a good example for them to follow." ---Family Life 72, Lesson 1

No person, or family is perfect. When it comes to family there is always room for improvement.

A Christian pastor , Jon Acuff, made a recent blog post about spending quality time with our families and I thought he hit the nail on the head, he said, "The challenge is to take the time at home and invest it, do something to provide value with that time. Turn off the phone, the tv, and spend time with your spouse, spend time with your kids. Be intentional about letting them know that when you are home, they are the most important thing at that moment. It’s not enough just to say they are the most important thing in your life, let them know by your actions and how you invest your time."

I admit that I have been addicted to doing my entire life. Do the dishes, do the laundry, do the degree, do the career ladder, do the assignments, do the marriage, do the kids, do the extended family time...there were always a million things to do and only 24 hours in a day! Being here in Seattle instead of Japan has given me a lot of time to stop doing. Don't get me wrong I have every opportunity to be just as busy, but I am choosing not to. Letting your life get overrun with to-do lists is so easy. I've found that it is much more challenging not to do everything.

Lately a certain scripture keeps crossing my path, Psalm 46:10 which says, "Be still and know that I am God."

I'm finally getting it. It's not all up to me. I need to slow down. I need to listen. I need to let go.

It's been two months and our visas have still not arrived. We don't know when they will. We do know they will and that when they do, we will go back to Japan. During our two months here we have had many invaluable lessons and blessings...it feels good knowing it's not all up to me.

Halloween

I cannot believe my daughters are growing up so fast. Ever had that feeling? Look at these pictures from earlier today...my little mermaids. My oh my. My babies are growing up.

Unexpectedly Awesome Day

Today I had an unexpectedly awesome day. I was planning to get a bunch of work done; instead I got invited to go on a Harley ride with my Dad.

My Dad drives a pristine black Harley-Davidson Softtail Classic. It was his retirement present to himself. I always thought it was optimistic to buy a Harley in Seattle but today was the kind of day bikers in Seattle live for. The sky and roads were clear. The air was crisp enough to change the leaves from green to red, but not cold enough to penetrate our leathers. We had a great ride.

My Dad loves a burger joint in Issaquah called Triple X, so that's where we went. I laughed out loud as we walked up to the building and on the front door was a sign that said, "Nothing you eat or drink here will be good for you." Perfect. We had a couple of frosted mugs of Triple X brand rootbeer, fries and onion rings. It was a great snack. Great rootbeer. Great company. Great day.

Life is What Happened...

...when you had something else planned.

This is my Dad's favorite quote of all times. He shares this sentiment with me almost daily. It has never felt more relevant than now. We certainly didn't plan to be back in Seattle right now. When we left for Japan nearly four months ago we planned to be gone for at least a year. Then our visa expired. What can you do? We had to come home. We've been told that our working visas will take another 1-2 months to approve. WOW. One to two months.

So here's our plan (we'll see how it works out): 1. Take Japanese lessons 2. Get Mia the care she needs for her broken arm to heal 3. Try and plan some weekend get-aways to visit friends 4. Adam is looking for a part-time job 5. Stay busy to keep the girls and my parents from going crazy.

I have had some awesome experiences while being here. I feel satisfied that for the time being we are doing what we need to do and learning what we need to learn. Sometimes the lessons we need to learn involve our children breaking their arms.

Broken arm update

Mia is doing great. The ER visit ended up costing $5300. She will have roughly $4000 in care before the cast is removed. I'll let you know what happens with the costs. We are not "residents" of Washington state, so our options are limited. I may end up having to pay the entire cost out of pocket. If I was a resident of Mexico in Washington state illegally the cost out of pocket would be zero.

Mia's Broken Arm

I have never, ever been uninsured. I grew up on my Father's medical plan in Seattle, then was married and added to my husband's medical insurance in Utah. In Japan, when you are a citizen you are enrolled in the government healthcare program. It is a fairly socialist kind of operation as far as I can tell. So here we are in Seattle, no American job, no insurance, no idea when we will be heading back to Japan and my daughter breaks her arm. Hmm. I sense a life lesson coming on.

What is it like to be an injured American without health insurance?

Much to my surprise the ER took Mia without any hassle whatsoever. When you have insurance you spend about 20 minutes at the ER just giving them all your critical information; like social security number, employer, yearly income, insurance account numbers, etc. I got to walk right in, no hassle.

The financial advocate for the hospital came in once things had settled down and gave me a helpful piece of paper, one piece of paper, that would put me in touch with all the relevant people who could provide me with help in paying my bill without the aid of insurance. She was completely helpful.

Mia's arm is currently in a splint, she needed 4 hours of emergency room care and 4 x-rays. She will be treated by an orthopedic surgeon on Wednesday to put on her cast. When asked by the doctor's office about our insurance I explained that we didn't have insurance. She never mentioned money after that. Mia was given the next available appointment, without any insurance or hassle.

Throughout the process to this point it has struck me that these facilities and offices are used to having patients without insurance. I was always under the impression before that being uninsured was the exception, not the rule. It turns out many Americans are uninsured. According to the USAToday in September the number of uninsured Americans is more than 50 million, that's 1 person out of every 6.

In the past our medical bills have almost always been covered by insurance and we were therefore responsible for only 20% of the cost. We have had major medical issues such as; kidney failure, many pregnancy related problems, and recently a pulmonary embolism. We have done our utmost to pay these bills, which, for our family in the past 5 years I would estimate our out of pocket costs to be about $20,000. These bills have cut into our family finances significantly over the years, some we are still paying off. This amount does not include the amount of money taken out of our paychecks every month to pay for health insurance. That amount spent on insurance over that past 5 years was about $14,000!

This new broken arm will come with an estimated price tag of about $1700. I'm not sure what we will have to pay. All I can say is that I feel no concern over the bill, which generally I would be concerned about. I am scratching my head about the ease with which our care is being provided. I wonder what is the point of insurance? I wonder how the medical community is handling 20% of the population being uninsured and still needing care? I simply can't imagine why I have played the game for so long?

I don't claim to understand the healthcare system in Japan, but I know when we get back Mia's arm would be fixed for no out of pocket costs and our cost for the government healthcare system each month is about $100.

My final thought: Americans need a new healthcare system. I don't believe in robbing the rich to give to the poor. I think doctors and medical care providers should be paid what they are worth. I think care should be provided when needed. I think a better way is available. We have strong, smart, capable, creative, talented people in America...a better way needs to be implemented in this great country of ours.