Working vs. Stay at Home Mom

This topic has been jingling around in my mind for quite some time. I don't know how else to introduce my post than to say that I want to weigh in on one of the most hotly debated questions for women of my generation. One day my daughters will face the question of wether to work or stay home and maybe they'll want to know what I was thinking, "back then."

I started my first job when I was 15, I could not wait to have a job. I wanted to build a resume. I wanted the freedom that only comes from cold hard cash. I wanted to impress my parents, siblings, friends and teachers. I wanted a life outside of home and school. I worked at the local movie theater, then became a lifeguard (motivated by my sun worship and interest in buff guys), then worked for a small resort in Utah called The Wintergreen at Midway marketing timeshares, managed a few DownEast Outfitters, managed a few Seagull Books, directed the marketing for Cedar Fort, published a few books, directed the marketing for Millennial Press, managed the advertising needs for all the KFC's in California for a brief stint and then chucked my promising career in marketing to teach English in Japan. I honestly loved every job on that list.

In the middle of all that ladder climbing I married the man of my dreams, bought a house, had two daughters within a year, finished a degree in Communications/Public Relations at Brigham Young University and managed to hang on to a few brave souls who were crazy enough to want to be my friends.

Sometimes I look at those things and think, "Yeah ! I did that! What a GREAT career! How awesome am I?!!!" Then there are the other times, the more honest times. During those times I think, "I was totally out of my mind! I have been burning the candle at both ends big time! How could I possibly have thought that was a good idea??!!"

So I'm not telling anyone what they ought to do. The decision to work or stay home has so many implications no one else can make that choice for you. It wouldn't be possible. But I've been home with my daughters now for the better part of seven months and I choose them. As one of my friends told me once, "My kids need me and I need them." I was managing millions of dollars in marketing budgets at that point, so I totally didn't understand what she was talking about, but I do now.

My days are filled with real meals at the kitchen table, story time, walks, movies, snuggling, correcting bad behavior and praising good behavior. For me, no other job could compete with this.

My career can wait. Whatever stuff I thought I wanted to buy with my extra income can wait. My daughters don't have to wait anymore. They've waited long enough.

I embrace the life of a stay-at-home-mom. I love having time for myself, my man, and my kids. I don't miss the suits, the travel, fine dining, prestige, power, or parties. I was so afraid I would, but I don't.

Being home with my daughters has changed me. I don't run around like a chicken with my head chopped off anymore. I don't rely on my husband for day-to-day household tasks. I have time to think about stuff I didn't before like what Mia should learn before she starts kindergarten. I take better care of myself...mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. I help other people with my time and attention, rather than paying my way out of helping others. I feel much more peace and balance.

I know it's a tough choice, no matter what you choose, but for me, for now, I choose to stay home.

New Beginning

I was hoping to make a post today about Adam's new job...but that was before the Seattle Snowpocalypse forced Adam to reschedule the three promising interviews he had set up this week. When it snows in Seattle this entire area just shuts down. So Adam has one offer in hand, it's from his 4th choice out of 4 possibilities currently in process. We're getting closer. We both believe Adam will have accepted one of the four jobs within the next week.

Without overstating the obvious, that means we aren't going back to Japan right now. We're all at varying levels of disappointment about that reality. Our work visas from Japan have still not been approved. The other family that came back in the same boat as us decided to cancel their visa through GEM School and pursue visas through another school. They return to Japan in two weeks and we are envious. Having said that, we have sustained massive financial loses because of this visa setback. We have lost tens of thousands of dollars to follow our dreams. But, dreams don't pay the bills folks. :)

Adam has been preparing in every conceivable way to make his interviews a success and so have his recruiters. I believe in him and his skills, but a few extra prayers wouldn't hurt. As much fun as it has been to live with Grandma and Grandpa Jex, it sure would be nice to move into a place of our own. This January, this job, this state...these all mark some aspect of our family's new beginnings. 2012 has unimaginable adventures in store for our family; making sure we are heading out on the right foot is our main priority now. With the help of our faith, family and friends we are working toward a great year in 2012.

Praise for Patagonia

You may not have heard, especially if your power has been down like mine, but Seattle has been experiencing Snowpocalypse for the last three days. It snowed 6 inches on Wednesday. Then the power went out as freezing rain descended upon us for nearly 48 straight hours. Trees have been falling down on cars, homes and power lines as snow and ice have weighed them down. Fortunately our family has all come out of this experienced unscathed. We've had generators, food, candles...you name it...we've been prepared.

There was one issue I was really nervous about when the snow started falling...my feet. I didn't have any boots. Our family stocked up on gear when we were preparing to go back to Japan and I bought myself a pair of Patagonia Toast and Jam Boots. I expected mild weather in Seattle and knew the rubber soles would get me through the standard rain and slush. Little did I expect weather conditions like these! The great news is that my pigskin leather and rubber sole shoes totally protected my feet during four hours of sledding. My shoes were soaked, my feet were dry and toasty. I am so thrilled with Patagonia right now I just had to give them a atta-boy on my blog. I will be a Patagonia customer for life.

Here is a link to a pair of shoes similar to mine, I couldn't find the exact ones.

http://www.backcountry.com/patagonia-footwear-toast-and-jam-shoe-mens.html

Acupuncture

My life has been less than balanced lately. Name a major aspect of your life, anything that brings you peace and happiness. Chances are good that any aspect you can think of is in upheaval in my life. During this time of major transition I've been feeling stressed, afraid, nervous, anxious, even depressed. There has been a general overarching "stuck," feeling accompanied by confusion about what I should do. I've been managing all of that, as well as I could, and then Adam and I got sick. (Sinusitis and Bronchitis I now know.)

So yesterday I finally broke down and went to a lovely new community health clinic in Seatac to see an M.D. My appointment was brief and productive, my doctor was kind and helpful. While I was waiting I read all the information posted around the clinic and I learned that they have an acupuncturist on staff every Thursday. I discovered that he was in the office, and available!

The Health Point Community Health Center

After just 5 minutes of paperwork the receptionist lead me back to a large, dim room. There was cello music playing on a small CD player. That music immediately made me feel calmer. I was seated in a zero gravity chair, along with 3 other silent patients. The practitioner, Paul Griffin, quietly talked with me about me while he softly checked my pulse on my wrists and ankles. He inserted tiny, painless needles in my ears, wrists, ankles, knees and toes. When the second needle was placed in my ankle my right eye started twitching, it soon stopped. When he was done I laid back in the chair and thought.

My mid was so clear. Maybe clearer than it has ever been. I thought about myself, my family, my life, and my future. I was calm, peaceful, relaxed, focused, motivated, energized and completely clear about what I needed to do. The entire process took about 20 minutes. This clinic I went to is open to anyone. They charge people based on a sliding scale of income, the lowest bracket pays only $10 and the highest bracket pays just $35. I set another appointment for next Thursday...for me and Adam.

They say that acupuncture is about energy, freeing energy to flow more naturally within you. That is exactly how I would describe the way I feel. I know I'm not the first person to discover the awesome wonder of this experience, but I wish more people knew about it. I wish I had had the chance to participate in it sooner.

Christmas in the Northwest

With Christmas only a week away I would like to say Merry Christmas! I hope this has been a season of peace, love, hope and new beginnings for your family; thankfully it has been for mine. Every time I'm tempted to be discouraged that we are in Seattle rather than spending this year in Japan I stop myself and think of my daughters simple prayers. Each night they kneel beside Adam and I and say things like, "Thank you that we could play with our cousins," and "Thank you that we can spend Christmas at Grandma's." Their gratitude reminds me to be grateful.

We decided not to send out many Christmas cards this year, 10 to be exact. (I think I sent out 100 last year.) I added a simple photo that I took myself in those ten cards. It shows Mia and Teryn merrily swinging on a tire swing. I included this photo because it typifies what our family is focused on right now, simplicity, family, fun and uncomplicated love.

Wherever you live, whatever you are up to this season I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

P.S. If you would like to send me a Christmas Card my address for the moment is 10831 SE 190th PL, Renton, WA 98055.

Building a Functional Family

I've spent the past 9 weeks with my family of four living in my parents home in Seattle. I'm actually sleeping in the room I grew up in. Yikes, right? This living arrangement just screams, "Deal with your unfinished business Linds!" I now reside within a one-mile radius of all three of my brothers and their respective families. I do not have any employment outside of the home for the first time since I was 15. So as you might imagine, FAMILY has been on my mind a lot lately.

There is no such thing as a perfect family, but functional is a worthy goal. I've stumbled upon a resource that I think might give me some guideposts about how to build a functional family. It's a free online course available through the Independent Study department at BYU. It's called Family Life 72: Building a Functional Family. Here is the URL where the course can be found:

http://is.byu.edu/courses

I took the first lesson tonight, it shared an overview of the 12 Characteristics of a Functional Family. Some of my favorites were:

1. There is an inviting, comfortable, loving atmosphere in the home and family.
2. Parents offer their children all their love and support without worrying too much about the outcomes of their parenting.
5. Parents understand that the family is the best place to address basic human needs.
6. In functional families, relationships are of supreme importance.
8. Functional parents have clearly defined roles and responsibilities that they mutually agree upon.
9. Functional parents exhibit strong and confident leadership and are passionate about their responsibilities as parents.
11. Functional families like to play and have fun together!


Just the first lesson gave me lots of things to think about. I finished the first lesson thinking most about how much I love my family; Adam, Mia and Teryn. It reminded me what an important task parenting is. It reminded me that relationships need to be a priority every day, which requires intentional effort. It also reminded me that everyone is part of a family, and chances are any and all of those family relationships could be improved.

"The functional family is a place where people feel like they can grow and learn from their mistakes. There is love and unity among family members. There is not a lot of criticism in the atmosphere of the home. Family members take time for each other and offer support and guidance to each other. The parents care about the family and make its well-being their top priority in life. The parents teach the children and set a good example for them to follow." ---Family Life 72, Lesson 1

No person, or family is perfect. When it comes to family there is always room for improvement.

A Christian pastor , Jon Acuff, made a recent blog post about spending quality time with our families and I thought he hit the nail on the head, he said, "The challenge is to take the time at home and invest it, do something to provide value with that time. Turn off the phone, the tv, and spend time with your spouse, spend time with your kids. Be intentional about letting them know that when you are home, they are the most important thing at that moment. It’s not enough just to say they are the most important thing in your life, let them know by your actions and how you invest your time."

I admit that I have been addicted to doing my entire life. Do the dishes, do the laundry, do the degree, do the career ladder, do the assignments, do the marriage, do the kids, do the extended family time...there were always a million things to do and only 24 hours in a day! Being here in Seattle instead of Japan has given me a lot of time to stop doing. Don't get me wrong I have every opportunity to be just as busy, but I am choosing not to. Letting your life get overrun with to-do lists is so easy. I've found that it is much more challenging not to do everything.

Lately a certain scripture keeps crossing my path, Psalm 46:10 which says, "Be still and know that I am God."

I'm finally getting it. It's not all up to me. I need to slow down. I need to listen. I need to let go.

It's been two months and our visas have still not arrived. We don't know when they will. We do know they will and that when they do, we will go back to Japan. During our two months here we have had many invaluable lessons and blessings...it feels good knowing it's not all up to me.